At Base Camp for Aconcagua — the Americas' highest mountain — I had plenty of time to find out. Over New Year, I spent five days in Argentina living amid squalor at 14,000ft as I sought to acclimatise in a wintry, overcrowded no-man's land.
To appreciate the place you have left behind. Every serious mountain needs a base camp, where climbers adjust to a higher altitude and prepare for the journey ahead. But the only thing that unites the several hundred people who are at Aconcagua Base Camp at any one time is a desire to be somewhere else: either climbing to the summit, or descending to the prevailing high summer at lower altitudes.
A simple choice — walk 16 miles from the highway (possibly with a night's camping); pay US$300 for a ride on an ill-tempered mule; or $1,700 for a helicopter transfer.
The heliport marks the southern boundary of Base Camp, which straggles north across a barren hillside.
Each adventure company has its own slice of the action: Inka is downtown, Aymara mid-town, Fernando Grajales uptown. Around their larger marquees spread suburbs of tents, with independent trekkers and climbers on the outskirts.
Stony ground; the highest hotel in the world stands across the valley, but has been boarded up for years. So settle for canvas. The basic price for a night in a tent, $30, buys a thin mattress. You could instead pitch a tent free of charge, or ask porters to erect it for $40.
Take a hike
Any stroll around town takes you into close proximity to the sanitary arrangements. Solar-powered showers comprise the highlights; long-drop latrines destroyed in the previous night's storm are the lowlights.
Take a view
That's the general idea here. The climb to Camp Canada takes about three hours, hoists you 2,000ft nearer the peak, and gives an excellent panorama of Base Camp and beyond.
Lunch on the run
All supplies for Base Camp are brought in by mule; garbage is carried out that way, too. Nothing is wasted, so expect yesterday's dinner re-versioned. And all in a country with some of the world's finest produce.
Artist Miguel Doura, from Buenos Aires, has established the world's highest art gallery in his marquee.
Admission is free, the art is not: a bright, brash canvas of Aconcagua is yours for a couple of hundred dollars.
Next door, a full-scale restaurant has prices to rival the chintziest venues in the capital. A drink and a pizza? Reckon on £20.
Dining with the locals
The adventure companies provide meals for $39 per person per day: with soup, meat and veg, and some sweet, sticky substance constituting dessert.
Go to the doctor
Whether you'll make the summit or not, but there is a mandatory health check on all would-be climbers. The doctor will take your blood pressure, measure the saturation of oxygen in your blood and demand intimate details of the workings of your gastric system before signing to permits that allows you to ascend.
A walk in the park
The nearest park of note is back down on the highway: the sombre Cemetery of the Andinistas, populated by many who lost their lives on Aconcagua. Closer to Base Camp, you are unlikely to see wildlife, but you may see wild-dead in the contorted shape of a guanaco skeleton, picked clean by condors.
Out to brunch
See lunch and dinner, repeat ad nauseum. Note the weather forecast, pinned to the kitchen tent wall; this holds the key to your mission. You need low wind speeds on the summit day, no faster than 30mph.
Icing on the cake
While the rest of the world awaits your return, you can communicate with it either by satellite phone ($3 a minute), or the slowest internet connection on the planet ($1 a minute). But in the Andes, as elsewhere, no news is normally good news.